A New Season, Learning How to Seek Him First In It

It's been awhile since my last post... nearly 5 years. I thought about starting a new blog rather than continuing with the old one. Not without my morning coffee won. I do love my coffee, after all. And now, with two sons ages 1 and 3, I love coffee as much as ever. But as always, there is one thing that gets me through each and every day. One thing that I rely on a whole lot more than coffee. Or chocolate. Or anything else. And that's the Lord. I honestly do not know what people - and in particular, PARENTS - do without Jesus. How on earth do people parent without prayer? What do they do when they don't have anyone else to talk to? I know I do call on my mom, my mother in law, my sisters, friends, and of course my INCREDIBLE husband (I truly am so blessed). But as amazing as every single one of these people are, none of them created the world and everything in it in one week. Not one of them died on a cross for me. Not one of them knows my every thought (although my husband may think I try to tell him my every. single. thought. He is gracious). Not one of the amazing people in my life are with me every second of every day. Not one of them know what will happen 5 minutes, 5 months, 5 years from now. But my God does. Recently Ben (that's my husband, remember that name) had to go away for a few weeks for work. This isn't the first time or the last and it wasn't even his longest trip since we tied the knot. But it WAS the longest trip since we had our second son, and this time we weren't living in my parents basement. This time it was just me and the boys. Some women don't have a lot of help from their husbands. I hear some women joke that their husband is like having another child. This is not my husband. My husband is the guy who comes home from work, takes a quick shower after I push him that way (I mean, he usually comes strait from working out, which is actually a big part of his job. A shower is necessary). He then plays with the kids, or helps me clean up, or helps with dinner, or tells me to go get some "me" time. Then we "life" together. We have dinner. We spend time with the kids, or go out as family, if it's Wednesdays, he watches the kids while I get ready to sing for Wednesday night service, I head off, he gets the boys ready and meets me at the church. We do just about everything together as a family. So when he goes for even a couple of days, I feel it. I miss my partner, my best friend, my confidant. My husband. So when other women complain about their husband, I truly have nothing to say. Is he perfect? Certainly not. But really, I am so spoiled. But whether Ben is here or not, here is what I have learned: God has to be my everything. No one else can take the place of Jesus in my life. Thankfully, my husband and I see I to eye on this. A lot of couples choose 1 Cor 13 when they get married, or something out of the Psalms or Proverbs... or Song of Solomon. Like "I have found the one my heart loves". But us? We chose Matthew 6:33 (NKJV) - But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. I have to be honest, there have been times when I have lost my focus and turned to try to build my own first. And I can honestly say that it was not satisfying. There was a time when I wanted to put aside all of our responsibilities besides parenting and work, and that was it. But we aren't made for that. We are made for so much more. So when my husband had to go away for work I had to remind myself of the same things I had to say to myself when I was in missions years ago. That I wasn't alone. That God was with me every step of the way. And to some a few weeks may not feel like a big deal, but to me it was. But God provided. My parents helped a lot, and some amazing friends checked on me often. And my mother-in-law even came and spent the last week with us. We had a blast. And when I went to pick up Ben when he got back into town, it was so sweet. It felt like a first date, I was actually a bit nervous getting ready to go. The boys were beyond thrilled to see him. So, this is a season of learning what it means to seek first God's kingdom in a new season. Letting God direct my day as a stay at home mom. Learning to do things that are out of my comfort zone even though I have an excuse... "oh, we are busy, home with the two boys you know". And that would be true. Very true, we are SO busy. The boys are SO SO busy. For a while after becoming a mom I was not a "yes" person. I said no. All. the. time. Now, I take it to the Lord. "God, is this something you want us to do?" It is so freeing for Ben and I now in our marriage to talk things over, and even if we feel stretched at times, to go to the Lord and SEEK HIM FIRST before making up our own minds. Freeing. So Freeing. You should try it. So this post is basically an introduction to the new me, my life as it stands nearly 5 years since my last post. I still have adventures, I still love missions, but those days are on hold for a little while. Until then I will enjoy every day with the subjects of my stay at home mom life. They are adorable, but wow. They are SO busy. I love them.