Second Hand Offence

Have you ever been offended for the sake of someone else? Probably a loved one? Maybe you've heard it as "borrowed offence". But for those staring blankly at your screen, this is what it is... It's taking offence against someone who has hurt, talked badly about or treated unfairly a loved one. Who is a loved one? Usually a family member, friend, or someone you bestow high regard, you respect. They have done nothing to you. Second hand offence, or borrowed offence. And it could be a very bad thing they had done, unthinkable. Or petty. Or somewhere in between.

It seems better somehow than being offended because someone did something to "me". It's justified. "I'm not offended at them for hurting me, they hurt my son/daughter/sister/husband..." you get the idea. It might seem honourable. But it isn't. It's worse. It's toxic. It's contagious. And maybe you would feel ashamed bringing up something someone did to hurt you, but if they hurt your little brother, maybe you wouldn't hesitate to let others know to stay clear of that person. Or maybe you wouldn't talk about it to anyone. But inside you are looking ugly. I'll be honest - I have stayed offended with people that have done nothing to me. And it's wrong either way, in case I missed mentioning that. Offence is wrong. Period. You want to get offended with someone? Get offended with the devil. That's right, get offended with Satan. After all, "For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places" (Ephesians 6:12). Are you someone that loves fiercely? I do. I love my loved ones. That's why they are called, loved ones. But unforgiveness only hurts the person choosing to not forgive, regardless of the reason. Jesus died on the cross for everyone. Is that person you're offended with going to be living down the golden road from you in heaven? That's awkward. If you get in, that is. I know that sounds harsh, but it's the truth. Read Matthew 18. If we don't forgive, He won't forgive. 1st hand offence, is bad just like smoking a cigarette is bad. 2nd hand offence is worse just like 2nd hand smoke is worse. Except smoking a cigarette or breathing in its smoke won't keep you out of heaven - although it might get you there a bit faster. 2nd hand offence is toxic. Do you hear the hurt and offence coming from your spouse? Why are you letting it eat at them? Why are you letting it keep them out of heaven, why are you letting them smoke in front of you, intoxicating you with seeds of offence? Yes, there is a time and a place to talk these things out, but I hope that if my husband, or my sons, come to me with hurt, I hope that I can hear them out, but then help them work through it and point them to the cross. And if they need time to work through forgiveness, why does that mean that I have to allow offence to take route in me? I don't. It might really annoy and maybe even hurt your loved one that you aren't "taking sides" but they will work through it a lot faster if you don't rally behind them, cheering on their hurt. Jesus said to forgive 70 times 7 times. A day. That should cover it. There are times that I have had to forgive someone, only to have it creep back in somehow, and forgive them again. And again. It's called working through it. Intentionally forgiving and asking God for help. Jesus paid the ultimate price. Don't let unforgiveness and offence grab a hold of you or your loved ones. It's a slippery slope. Like a python wrapping itself around you and stealing your oxygen. Make Jesus your oxygen. He's mine. None of us are immune to offence, and I know I will face it again, and again. I am human. So are you. We need Jesus. This is impossible without Jesus. Impossible. But the more we walk in forgiveness and love the more it becomes natural to us. The world will know us by our love for one another. Easy? No. But possible, because nothing is impossible with God.